ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize