Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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