Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You have to summon your inner elephant
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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