Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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