she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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