I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize