i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
