Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
