Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
