As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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