I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
