and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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