I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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