we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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