She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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