Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
