just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
