in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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