she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
