I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
