Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize