mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
