I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
