Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you win again, gameday.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
