so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
someone owes me an orgasm
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
