If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
