Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
