Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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