my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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