Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
