shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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