In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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