Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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