Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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