I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
