She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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