Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
