I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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