Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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