More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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