Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
