I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
