At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize