just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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