Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
