Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Randomize
