my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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