I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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