my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
