I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
