Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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