You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
