The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
