Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
