Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
