Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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