god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
