Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
