I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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