wat bout pragnant strippers??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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