I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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