I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
