did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
