turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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