see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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