your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
