if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Green mimosas i think yes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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