strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
