I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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