Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
