remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
